As you might have noticed (I will not be offended if you didn’t, promise!), I went off the radar for a while. I could go on and on about why Ameni from Amenitoomany did not succeed in posting twice per week as she promised, but the simplest thing to say is, well, she had “too many” things to deal with.
I’m funny, I know.
I have first started my blog just about five months ago, and while college slowed the process a lot (my blog is moving like a turtle at this point), this experience so far has taught me two lessons that I think could be valuable to some of the readers here. First of all, to all the newbie bloggers out there that are as lost as I am (my middle name is Alice and my blog is Wonderland 🙂 ), I would like to tell you guys how much I empathize. Blogging is so frigging time consuming. And the pressures that come with it omg I can’t. And the fact that you have to meet your own deadlines, and sometimes you make them too late or too early and you either kill yourself with pressure or kill your blog with procrastination. And I praise all those who have blogs and have another life on the side, and manage both at the same time (shoutout to mom bloggers who keep their children and blogs alive!) The balance is super difficult, and I might actually invite a guest to talk about this here, if you guys are interested (I know I am). So yes, blogging is time consuming, frustrating, sometimes super annoying, and thank god for summer break, at least I could make up for the lost time!
The second lesson learned is that blogging should never, ever, ever, ever, put hard pressure on you. One of the reasons why I stopped blogging for two months, a part for the fact that I couldn’t find the time to do it properly it’s because it started to affect my mood. I had it constantly on my back of my mind. Am I doing enough? Will this have enough views? Why aren’t people following me? Should I post more often? And then there is the ‘I gotta make people like my blog” attitude that had I started to develop. In college, writing becomes more about pleasing the professor rather than writing for yourself because you end up only seeking their approval to enhance your GPA. Constantly having that attitude conditions you to think that you should write what other people want to read, and thus not from your heart.
Writing, as you guys might have understood, is something I am really passionate about, and when I realized that some of the things that I’ve blogged about are not as meaningful as I thought they would, I completely dropped everything and put pause. Do you know that feeling when you are running on a treadmill for a really long time, slowing down your pace once in a while, and sprinting when you have the energy, and in some times stopping because of a cramping feeling in your legs. That feeling when you finally stop running after 45 minutes of activity, and you feel your legs pumping, your body still recovering from that hard work. I stopped working on my blog a few weeks before finals, because I figured it was a time for me to slow down and focus on the pressing priority. And now, it’s that time of the year when the race is done, and I’m recovering. So far I’ve binged watched a lot of Netflix, but I’m also doing something valuable which is analyzing the errors that I have made and that I could have done better, setting myself new goals, and forgiving myself for the mistakes I have done. Self reflection for me is synonymous to empowerment, and I recommend it to all of those who wish to improve themselves to become better people and more successful in their lives.
The last thing that I want to point out, (though I earlier mentioned that I will only speak about two things – unless you weren’t paying attention, in that case, shame on you) is that I don’t want this blog to show you how perfect my life is as a college blogger. It’s not. And the internet tends to make you believe that everything is luxurious, classy and organized (no shade, Instagram, no shade). It never is. And I understand how frustrating that could be. While I was having hard times during this year, going through social media only made me feel worse, even though people were just posting their best versions of themselves – not their reality. But when you are conditioned to see pictures of people exhibiting the perfect version of themselves, you wouldn’t help but feeling that you need to do the same. And a little confession: I’m a horrible perfectionist. When I do something, either I don’t do it at all, or I make it as grand and impressive as I can. I have this attitude of never wanting to be “average”, I do a ton of things at a time and expect myself to do all of them perfectly, making me sometimes drown in the details and forget my actual goal. Needless to say that perfection is difficult sometimes to reach, and when I realize that I can’t reach that perfect idea in my mind, it leads me to feeling like a failure. And that feeling follows me around, affects everything that I do, and becomes an ugly snowball effect (ending with my crying while watching Ross having a triple tan on his front body over and over again – because it’s one of my favorite episodes).
Why am I telling you all these things?
Because, I have come to a point during the year (summer time, when you stay at home all day, not because of Netflix but because you don’t want to become a stinky fried egg in the Middle Easter heat), when I don’t want to beat myself over making mistakes because everything has been done, and nothing can be changed. I still want to enjoy my break, my family, and pursue this blogging experience, which I will do while continuing to work on myself and prepare for my Junior year in college.
So the real message from all of this hummongus text (sorry guys) : give yourself a friggin’ break. Stop pressuring yourself to be a perfection. You are worth more than a perfect paper, exam, GPA, blogpost, or whatever thing you’re working on. A beautiful girl in my university (shout out to Maha and her awesomeness!) would always shrug off the things that bothered her and claim that “I am a princess”. I have learned that that attitude shows you how confidence is not given; it is acquired because you believe you have it. If you have confidence, you have perfection. So believe in yourself, love yourself, give yourself a break, and have a Kitkat (plot twist: this post is sponsored by Kitkat. Kidding, I wish. I’m hungry).
So there, I said everything I needed to say. I’m back at blogging, I have modified a lot of things as you guys might have noticed (or not, it’s okay if you didn’t, as long as you are here). lnshallah you guys should be expecting one post per week (if I am ambitious and dropped Netflix maybe two). Follow me on the first button on the right side of my page! I am also working on my Instagram (which also needs some love)! Also, my closest friends are Twitter maniacs. I don’t get Twitter, but I’m trying. Don’t follow me there though, because it’s so empty it’s embarrassing.
Thank you so much for all of those who had supported me for this past year, and for continuously pushing me when i was on the brink of giving up. You guys rock my world, and I hope you know it.
Yallah see you guys next week, with lots of exiting stuff coming up!! (hint hint, I ate Philippino food and it was 10/10 recommend).
Big big kisses until very soon.